The Best form of Birth Control
Birth Control has always been with us. Growing up, we heard of the use of ‘’BLUE’’,’’ KAUN’’ (Pottash), ‘’SCHEWEPPS’’, ‘’ALABUKUN’’ and even ``7-UP’’ as great terminators of unwanted pregnancies, from what we learnt however, they were not totally effective. Nowadays, you hear of D & C, Postinor11, and obviously the most popular one being the use of condom ( which a good friend of mine still wanted to go abroad to get a franchise for, because he said its good business) . The second and definitely the best that I recommend to everybody is‘’ abstinence’’. The most difficult of all these forms of birth control as far as I’m concerned is abstinence, why? The answer is simple ``body no be wood’’! How will a man, a virile man for that matter, who lives in modern day Nigerian, abstain? With the number of beautiful women God has blessed Nigeria with coupled with the way women are dressing nowadays, it is practically impossible to abstain! These daughters of eve are everywhere and they show you everything, on bikes, you see beads and ‘’Catapultish’’ looking ropes around their waist. It is like the devil himself is the chief fashion designer of our time. The Jeans (The low waist Jeans) women wear these days will drive even the most devout of us crazy. So any talk of abstinence, has become more of lip service than reality. Although you should STILL TRY TO ABSTAIN!
The failure of birth control methods has left our generation at a loss as more children are born than most families can cater for. Babies are many but means to provide for their livelihood is absolutely insufficient or totally unavailable and so yawa gases on a daily basis. In different homes, fathers and mothers due to unavailability of funds say ‘’had I known’’ until the children get into school and GBAM! Like a bolt out of the blues, the best form of Birth Control stares them in the face and their ``had I known’’ automatically becomes ``I wish I had known of this earlier’’ what is the best form that suddenly strikes them, you will ask? SCHOOL FEES! Yes Simple Old school fees! That must pay, payment that we make 3 times in a year and suddenly we respect ourselves and our body and senses loss all sense of smell, our sight sees nothing called women and curves, our emotions become numb because this almighty school fess must be paid.
We strive, we try, we heave, we sweat, look for money anywhere and everywhere, because we hate to hear our children say ‘’Daddy, our teacher said I should not come to school tomorrow, if I don’t pay my school fees’’. When after he hears this, he feels less than a man and starts to blame his wife for using her witchcraft to lure him into marriage and child rearing. Any woman who God wants to punish this period will tell her husband ``I LOVE YOU’’, the answer usually is `` I LOVE YOU WHAT?’’ The trouble you put me in, I have not come out of, I love you ko, I love you ni! This is usually the time of serious fighting in homes, the wife is moody, the husband is cranky and the children had better be quite. At night everybody sleeps facing opposite side of the room. Romance? Romance ke? During this period, romance is in the DEEP FREEZER. That is if it is not dead or about to die? You should think about it too, how will a family in this mood and frame of mind think about anything to do together.
When finally, school fees is paid one would expect shouts of Joy and hallelujah hoping things will get back to normal and Romance can start again! You lie o!. The man still has to pay back the loan he collected from his friend or company or neighbour or even all of the above. So the blame and counter blame of who is responsible for the child rearing comes to the fore, the man is thinking ``useless woman’’, she has put me in bondage ha! What did I do to deserve all these, a lot of my friends are still single even if I’m 40? What about it? I should still have waited a little bit longer! Ha! At 40? The woman is thinking ``useless man ,I remember how he used to chase me up and down like a dog on heat, If I’d known, I would have married Alhaji and become his 7th wife, after all, any position is better than poverty. Useless man, liar, bastard, name dropper, he lied to me that his family had money, see what I am facing now, he has turned me into a fairly used product, I am stuck’’. Well the man finally pays his debt and normalcy returns to the house only for him to get back home and his children tell him ``Daddy we have mid-term break’’. What? He shouts, ``So soon? Don’t tell me its half term already’’. Then the wahala starts all over again. They start to beef each other. The man promises himself,``I will never get her pregnant again I swear. If I do let the God of Thunder strike me dead!’’ Haba!
Eventually, the School Term ends and money fuss starts again because the man realizes the vicious circle of looking for school fees and paying starts all over again. Wait o! In all this period when will a man have time to.....? (you know!) if you think about it well, school fees is the best form of family planning or why else do you think that the high and mighty don’t have too many children, the higher the school fees of your children will be or how much do you think they pay in Harvard or Cambridge or even Igbinedion University in our own Obodo Nigeria. For me I don’t believe there is better form of Birth Control known to man that can be better than School Fees. It knocks common sense into us, it humbles us, it forces us to ZIP UP even against our will, even wives use it as a tool of terror against their husbands, you will hear `` I will call school fees for you o!’’ And automatically the man is humble.
If the truth must be told, what other human invention can be a better form of birth control?
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